Problem, meet solution

One thing you don’t see out here in Singapore is homeless people.  I’m sure there are some here and there, but I can’t imagine a city like this would ever let them be seen by the public.  Part of it probably also comes from the the fact that Singapore is wealthy,  and the government has the resources and motivation to make sure people have homes.  But I think another part of it is how Singapore deals with mental health issues.  In the US, people with mental health problems are on their own.  If they’re lucky, they’ll have a caring family or friends who will look after them. But if they’re poor or have no one in their life, then they have to fend for themselves, and often that means they become homeless.  There’s no way they could ever hold a job or have the ability to manage a lease on an apartment.  We, as the people of the United States, have collectively decided that the best way to handle people with insurmountable mental disabilities is to simply ignore them and just have them wander the streets aimlessly.  In Singapore, they seem to take a much more proactive approach.  Here, the city apparently takes its population of people with severe mental health problems, and has them become taxi drivers. I know, it sounds crazy, (and I’m not even sure that’s actually the official policy) but it kind of makes sense; it takes the mentally ill off the streets, allows them to earn the money for care and medicine, and also gives them a role in society. Sure, there are some problems; you do have to constantly look out for cabs driving double the speeds limit whenever you cross Singapore’s notoriously pedestrian-unfriendly streets.  Even while in a crosswalk, cabs will often speed right up to you, braking in the last minute, their bumpers stopping inches from your knees.  Sometimes they’ll just barrel through an intersection, although some, despite their obvious uncontrolable mental health issues, still have the sense of decency to lay down on their horn to warn oncoming pedestrians that they’re not planning on stopping.  Nothing is perfect, but this system does beat having to awkwardly walk past them on the street as they desperately beg for change, pretending that you’re checking something really important on your phone.

Laneway! Laneway! LANEWAY!!!

SO I WENT SWIMMING THE OTHER DAY, AND MY EARS GOT CLOGGED SOMEHOW, I'M HAVING A LITTLE HARD TIME HEARING.  SORRY IF I'M TALKING TOO QUIETLY OR TOO LOUD, I'M LIKE A KID WITH EARPHONES ON, I CAN'T CONTROL THE SOUND OF MY VOICE.  DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?! WHAT???

Ok, my ears just popped.  That's better.

Not kidding about my ears though.  Went swimming, and they got clogged for some reason.  They got much better after some home-made (aka internet-read) remedies.  By the way, the best part of having a girlfriend is not that she actively helps and cares for me whenever I have some kind of ailment (supposedly the key to happiness is keeping your expectations in life low), but that she tries to hold in laughter while I use a needle-less syringe to put drops of vinegar and rubbing alcohol into my ears.  Thanks babe.  And thank you internet.  Funny story, pharmacies here don’t sell eyedroppers, but they do sell syringes, and lots of them.  They also sell test-tubes for some reason.  Also, rubbing alcohol is hard to find and comically expensive.  I asked a hijab-wearing employee at a supermarket if they sold rubbing alcohol.  She became visibly uneasy, and scanned my face like she was trying to recognize me from a wanted poster.  And, in order to buy Advil, you have to, by law, get it from a licensed pharmacist.  You don’t need a prescription, but I guess the pharmacist needs to give you a good once over, making sure you’re a person of sound character first.    Isn’t Asia exotic?

I hope you’re not laughing at my ear wax problem, because ear wax is no joke.  This is the kind of problem you get when you begin that slow descent into middle-age.  Gone are the days when my biggest concern in life was finding the hommie with the dankest kush, or the bar with the best “ratio.”   I now struggle with ear wax, made worse by the heaviest humidity you can have while still not being considered underwater.  Luckily, it’s much better now.  The ear wax, not the humidity.

Anyway, you’re probably saying “stop yammering about your damn ear wax Bernie Sanders, and get to the good stuff.”  Ok, fine.  LANEWAY!!!  Actually, more like… Laneway.  It’s an Australian music festival that comes to Singapore, the biggest one here by far.  It was headlined by Flume, Purity Ring, Chvrches, Grimes, Beach House, and a bunch of other bands I feel like I should be shaking cane at and telling about my ear wax problems.  There was about 20,000 people there, with four stages.    The bands were good, although they all complained about the heat constantly.  Sid from The Internet looked downright miserable, and made heat-related comments literally after every song.  The drummer from Battles was so sweaty he looked like someone just threw him into a pool.  And this was by far the most pleasant day I’ve seen in Singapore.  It was also the longest I’ve been outdoors since I’ve gotten here - about ten hours total.  It’s a weird feeling being out in this heat for that long, you kind of get used to it, but it’s still cooking your brain.  You’re kind of like a frog in a pot of water on a stove; you don’t fully realize how hot it is until it really starts kicking your ass.  I was fine until that last hour, suddenly every instinct in my body was to get into some kind of air conditioning, and fast.

Laneway was really fun, all the way through.  The bands were great, and I found a new great band called Shamir, which was a huge crowd pleaser.  The crowd was interesting too.  Singapore is a very conservative place, so seeing thousands of hipsters was kind of refreshing.  There was a disproportionate amount of white people there, mostly Australians, but the majority were Singaporeans and possibly Malaysians.  Singapore is such a law-abiding place, so it was also interesting to see a little chaos.  It wasn’t that great in the end, it mostly consisted of people smoking cigarettes where they shouldn’t and littering like crazy.  The litter was a huge scandal in the local papers the next day, the media here really lays on the collective guilt pretty thick in moments like this.  Al least they made sure to make a point that foreigners and locals were both to blame for this national embarrassment.  Another interesting thing was to see bros almost getting into fights - that’s definitely not something you see on the streets here.  Much of it was Aussie on Aussie, but there was a moment when I saw a group of three Singaporeans try pick a fight with a random white guy.  Not sure what the issue was, but the Singaporeans were mad about something; they flipped him off and did the whole “come at me bro” wave.  The white guy just blinked at them, and walked away.  There was three of them after all, and also getting your ass kicked by a bunch of guys wearing different outfits worn by Ducky in Sixteen Candles would have been hardest part to bear of that whole interaction.

Links to pictures:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10153208004151541.1073741832.593441540&type=1&l=277222d258

First 18 days or so (part 2)

Before I came to Singapore, everyone back home seemed to always get where I was going wrong.  I was going to Shanghai, right?  Seoul?  Philippines?  Vietnam?  Everywhere but Singapore.  I think this is a good metaphor for the city.  It's a big, important place that everyone's heard of, but no one remembers.  I feel like it's what I imagine Dallas to be like; rich and well-groomed, but characterless and boring.

Singapore is a city-state; the city is it's own country.  It's on a small island, just a stones throw from the southern tip of Malaysia. (if you're really, really good at throwing stones) On a world map it looks like it sits on the mainland, but there's a small strait that divides it from the rest of Asia.  Modern Singapore was founded in 1812.  While there were other settlements on the island further back in history, when the British first established an initial colony, there were maybe 1,000 people living here scattered about.  It quickly became an important port that challenged the dominance of the Dutch in that region. (you know you're talking about history with a sentence like that)  Since there wasn't much of an indigenous population, the British brought in people from all over Asia to do the work of building a city for them.  Most of them were from China, who make up the majority of the population today.  There's also a lot of people from India, as well as Malaysia.

In a lot of ways, Singapore is unique in the world.  It's a small first-world island surrounded by much less prosperous countries.  It's truly a multi-cultural melting pot, and has no real ethnic ruling class or dominant religion.  The different groups here seem to get along, and they seem to welcome immigrants whole-heartedly.  The city is very clean, and very well run; the subways are one of the best I’ve ever seen, you get annoyed if you have to wait five minutes for a train.  There’s millions of restaurants, and while much of them are over-rated, I’ve had some amazing food here.  The architecture is great, and a lot of the new building are really beautiful.  But somehow, all of this doesn’t add up to an interesting city.  On the surface, there isn’t a lot of character.  Everything here is about order and following the rules, and while there are plenty of exceptions to this, it feels like a place where everything is regulated and intentional.  There’s not a lot of surprises here.  At least not any I’ve found in the 18 days I’ve been here (The small island of Pulau Ulin being an exception)

That said, here’s more stuff I did in the past couple weeks:

Sim Lim Center (and low-end malls in general). One of the few signs of some kind of character in Singapore are the malls.  In America, malls are outdated and lame, but here, they’re embraced in a way that pretty remarkable.  There’s maybe  three dozen malls in all of LA county, while in about a one-mile radius from our apartment in Singapore, there are probably over a hundred.  Malls are everywhere, they’re stacked right next to each other, and are tightly woven into the fabric of the city.  Trying to cross a major street?  Use the an underpass, which is also a mall that runs five stories underground.  Trying to get to the subway?  Gotta pass through a tunnel lined with about eighty clothing stores and a Yankee Candle first.  The malls here are where the city lives, there’s little that exists outside of them.  Most of the good restaurants, grocery stores and nightlife are located in some kind of mall.  They’re impossible to avoid.  You use them to walk through the city, being able to cut through blocks at an angle while enjoying the very necessary air conditioning.  There are malls that are high-end and fancy, and there are malls that are far from it.  These crappy malls have become a small obsession, they’re like secret little pockets that are hidden away from the rest of the city.  I went to the fifth floor of an infamously shady mall nearby, the Sim Lim Center.  It specialized in over-priced knock-off electronics.  The first floor was packed and vibrant, but by the time your reached the top floor, most of the shops were shuttered and empty, with random store fronts surprisingly open, vendors sitting behind their counters, permanently drifting off into space.  They look like they haven’t seen a customer pass by there in weeks, and they don’t seem to really care either.  The halls were dark and uninviting.  But you’d still see signs of life, a couple people in a store talking, a guy at a desk intensely focused on repairing some ten-year old PC.

Bella Pizza.  Pretty solid pizza, a little skimpy on toppings but good.  

Akiko Fujita.  She’s definitely the best things about Singapore.  Trying to not write too much about my girlfriend here, but she’s been amazing.  Adventurous, pro-active, with a terrifying ability to remember restaurants she’s eaten at, and one’s that I have too.  She’s also a good person to take pictures of when we’re riding the subway.

Botanical Gardens.  This is a giant park in the middle of the city, it looks like a well-manicured English garden.  There’s moments that do feel somewhat wild, but most of it is very well-groomed and accessible.  It’s actually a really great place, but maybe not the best idea to walk around it at noon, unless you brought a heavily air-conditioned space suit.  Apparently you can picnic here too, or I just saw two actresses filming a Pinot Grigio commercial with hidden cameras.

Gardens by the Bay.  A series of massive tree sculptures constructed downtown by the water.  They’re huge, bizarre, and impressive.  At night they do a light show to Chinese-themed ambient music, which we walked away from half-way through it.  

First 18 days or so

Better late than never.  I got into Singapore 18 days ago, on the 8th.  (The time difference between the US and here is about seven weeks, so I'm doing all this in Singapore time).  These first days have been good, and I've quickly nestled into a domesticated life here.  Lots of Netflix and grocery shopping, even did a dreaded couple's outing to IKEA, which we came out of with our relationship intact.  Speaking of we, the best part of this trip has been seeing Akiko.  It was such a long time that we hadn't seen each other (3 months), and now we've essentially moved in together, a first in my life for me and a lady friend.  The arc of adulthood is long, but bends towards this kind of shit, I guess.   I'm liking this life, a lot, even though the 17-year-old-me would punch me in the balls if he saw me.  You know what, screw what that guy thinks, what does he know anyway?  I mean film school, really, that's what he considers a plan for life?

Focus, travel blog, right...  So, since I had such a long gap before landing and writing one of these, I'll just list the highlights of food and activities for future generations to learn from:

- Samy's Curry in Dempsey Hill.  Dempsey Hill is where the whites would eat and shop if the British could be bothered to just hold onto their colonies for Christsake.  Samy's Curry does not look like it belongs here.  Nestled in a literal compound of extravagant restaurants, high-priced grocery stores, and a Montessori school (which there are literally millions of all over the city), Samy's Curry looks like the kind of place that a bunch of scrappy kids in the 80's would have to save from an evil developer by winning a dance contest.  There was more staff than patrons when we walked in, since it seems like they employ a good percentage of the Indian population of Singapore.  The service was a little awkward, but the food was absolutely amazing.  This place is known for fish-head curry, and for good reason.  We tried several different dishes too, including something with cauliflower, and some kind of chicken, and it was all some of the best Indian food I've ever had.  We then followed it up by walking among all the other restaurants of "better stock" in Demspey Hill, and even bought some bad-ass cheddar and $8 ice-cream sandwiches from a store called Jones.

- Newton Food Center.  This is one of many "hawker centers," outdoor food markets that Singapore is famous for.  These are the most Asian thing about Singapore, at least what I've seen so far.  Cheap, good and dirty, they're the kind of thing that I look forward to every time I come to this part of the world.  I had something at a stall that said "Muslim Food."  I don't remember what I had, it was some kind of reddish noodle dish that was really amazing.  I think it had meat in it.  The guy at the counter very politely told me what was in it, but in "Singlish," which is just like regular English only incomprehensible.  Actually, you understand everything except the one key word that gives a sentence it's entire meaning.  I'm sure this is done on purpose.  English is the official language here, and literally everyone speaks it, but very broken.  While it definitely makes dealing with the city easy for us 'mericans, it does produce moments where you're told something by someone, and feel embarrassed to ask them to repeat it after you can't understand what they said the first couple times.  Like this moment with the guy at the Muslim Food stand, explainign what I'm about to put into my mouth.  Whatever it was, it looked good on the pictures on the menu, if that helps anyone who is using this long-winded tirade as a guide for some reason.

- Urban Bites Mediterranean Cuisine.  The "Mediterranean" here refers to Lebanese food.  This was kind of an awesome place too, with a complete half-ass wait service that I'm realizing is standard for almost every restaurant in the city.  Not bad service, just half-assed.  You have to repeat things a lot, and sometimes remind them you asked for water.  If you ever get annoyed when waiters ask you "is everything OK here?" then you will love eating out in Singapore.  Urban Bites had some amazing hummus, baba ganoush, and tabbouleh, along with a pretty good lamb kibbeh.  The best was this yogurt drink thing, that was surprisingly amazing.  Definitely want to come back for more.

- Adventure Paddlers.  Like the name says, these aren't some off-the-rack bitch-ass paddlers, these are adventure paddlers, and they don't have time for your "hey, how do we work this kayak we want to rent from you," or "hey, we're having trouble carrying our kayak to the water, could anyone help us out?"  No, they're pretty busy here, I'm assuming with adventuring.  We were just outside of Pulau Ubin island, northeast of the city, which is the one spot in the nation of Singapore that still feels wild and untouched by its very micromanaging government. The owner did give me a quick heads up on where's a good spot to row to, how to cross over the bouy barrier ("find a spot where there's a gap, and just paddle over the chain") and how to avoid the ships along the active shipping lane ("if you see a ship off in the distance, wait until it passes").  After considerable effort rowing and dodging cargo ships, we finally made it to the island, and made it down a small river which runs right down the middle.  It was absolutely beautiful, tranquil and calm, just floating alone among nature (and the random local dudes just chilling on fishing boats here and there.)  The city of Singapore can be overwhelming, and having a small tropical island that you can get away from it was definitely worth it.  Then we had haul ass back, spending more time getting across the strait to the mainland then we did along the island river.  We were also in a two-person tandem kayak, aka a "divorce boat," but somehow managed to survive this much like we did IKEA.  It was grueling, and the whole experience would be much better of we could start on the island, instead of spending what felt like a whole hour paddling for your life across an open-water shipping lane.  But being able to just go alone, without a guide or a group, was kind of refreshing, especially in such a hardcore nanny-state like Singapore. And it was cheap, the guy who ran the service was, after everything, pretty nice and knowledgable, and we did get to feel a sense of accomplishment by going alone. And I did get to appreciate some mangroves and a kingfisher.  And I also was somehow able to convince Akiko that bubbles coming out ahead from the three-foot deep stream could be hippos, statistically the most dangerous animal in Africa.

More of this shit later...